Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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