what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
