Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
