there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
