I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she peed on how many people?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
