I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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