I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
