im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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