I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
