We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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