he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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