..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
