Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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