i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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