Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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