There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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