somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
either way he was missing a nipple.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
