So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
