Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and she was petting her beer can
she told me i tasted like america
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
