I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize