I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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