He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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