Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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