Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
