So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
