Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
