Dual....:-)
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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