The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
