apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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