Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
