So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
