I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
