i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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