i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
