..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
