If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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