I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
