i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
