awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
