just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
