U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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