You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
