We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
