i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
