just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
