and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
