u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
