I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
