dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
