peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Rumble strips road head = magical
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
