just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
