Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
