So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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