he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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