Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sarcasm needs its own font
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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