Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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