guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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