So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
