I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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