I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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