he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize