The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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