Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize