Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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