Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
