I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
