after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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