why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't notice because vodka
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize